Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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