Soap is not a condiment
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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