I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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