In the future we'll all be gay
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
