Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
