you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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