Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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