Where did you get a picture of my penis
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
