woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
