So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
