so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
