im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
