My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
