yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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