She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
