this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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