Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
