someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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