We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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