How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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