Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
