I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
