He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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