Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
