Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
