New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
