just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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