i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
