Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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