you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
