Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
