I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's official drugs can't kill me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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