Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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