Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
