If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
