oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
