New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
