sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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