I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
