Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
