I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
