From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
