I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
