So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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