I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
