at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
