everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think my fart just growled at me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
