mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
