when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
