i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
