I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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