Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
